Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
