Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
