I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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