I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
