Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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