whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
