Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
