I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
