Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
