NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
