i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
