Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
