We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this will be a night to untag.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
