your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
