cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
