i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
