I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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