You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
