thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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