Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
