All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Mom said you looked used
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
