He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
