I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
