Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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