Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
