How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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