Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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