shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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