i need an iv and a liver transplant
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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