Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
