Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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