I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
