Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
