DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
