The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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