help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
