Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
