You really coming over, don't trick.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
