Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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