there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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