He uses pillows to masturbate.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
