just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
