So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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