I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
