Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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