So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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