I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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