is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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