I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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