Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
