Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
